A change in season, a change in pain

Is it possible to itch to death? I want to say yes. For the past few months it felt like I was holding my breath whilst I tried to get through Christmas, a wedding, and a particularly busy time at work. Now, as I start to exhale and adjust to the rhythm of daily life, I can feel my little quirks rearing their ugly heads.

Quirks. I prefer that word to ‘symptoms’ or ‘pains’ or ‘things that make me want to scream’.

My legs have been getting heavy, my neck’s been getting tight, I feel tired, and I am so itchy absolutely everywhere that I just want to stand under the shower for all of the hours in all of the days. The worst places are my armpits and my eyeballs. I wake in the night not sure which to itch first, so use one hand to itch my eye and one to itch under my arm – it’s like a disturbing version of that game where you pat your head and rub your belly at the same time, except I’m trying not to gauge my eyes out. All this when all I want to do is sleep.



The change in season always marks a change in my pain, but this month it’s also having an effect on my ability to mentally focus.

I’m curled up on my sofa in my leggings and house cardi (a cardigan so comfortable but so old and ugly that it can never be worn in public), the fire is roaring and I have a toasted, buttery, hot cross bun on the plate beside me – my favourite seasonal snack. It’s the perfect picture of calm, relaxation, and rest – a hygge dream.

But in my mind, oh… my mind… it feels like there is so much to do. There are things to clean, buy, fix, paint, tidy, read. Everything needs something doing to it, none of it is actually that important and so all of it feels pointless and pressing in equal measure.

Lists are my friend and so I figure the best approach to this madness is to create three columns. 1) The jobs that need to be done like install the cat flap, get the cats micro-chipped, sort out my repeat prescriptions; 2) The jobs that I want to be done, like framing and hanging pictures, painting furniture, sorting through my wardrobe; and 3) The things that are not even necessary, but they’re taking up space by with that nagging feeling that makes me search for answers in the most ridiculous places, asking myself questions like, what should I do with my hair? Do I have the right clothes for my holiday? What am I reading after my current book?

None of these things are big things, obviously, but each thought – regardless of the column it sits in – takes up space in my mind. And when my mind feels like it’s getting smaller at the same time these things are multiplying, it makes for a challenging time.


Last weekend we were out in the garden for the first time this year. The weather was mild and we were able to potter together as we pulled up weeds and cut back last year’s dead branches. This pop of colour was the first sign of Spring, and a good reminder that beautiful, simple things appear amongst the chaotic overgrowth.

I’m going to have an early night and try to work out what on earth I’m blogging about this year. I feel like it would be nice to have a bit of a plan for 2017, if only so that you could decide if it’s worth sticking around. So far I can tell you this corner of the internet will include a write-up of our three weeks in Canada, some thoughts and pictures from our wedding, coping tips for fibro flares, and no doubt a fair few activities for those looking to lead a life less physical. Hang on in there, the fog will clear and it will be Spring before we know it.

Pin now, read later.



5 comments on “A change in season, a change in pain

  1. Ah the itches, the bain of my week so far. Swear one of these days I’ll scratch my legs raw 🙈 Could do with some of those baby mitts !

  2. Barbara Holladay

    I could have written this!
    I have a back scratcher in every room of my house, including the shower. I also have a stiff brush in there that is really meant for cleaning but it sure feels good to scrape a layer of skin off of my legs and feet if they get itchy but it doesn’t work for my back because it’s too short. I doubt that my solutions would work for your eyes, haha, but maybe for your underarms it would be a new remedy.

    I am the itchiest person I know. I miss my late husband for his wonderful back rubs and back scratches. Of course that is not the only reason I miss him but those are prerequisites for a person who wears well, for me.

    North Texas, U.S. is having severe allergy season right now with Cedar, Oak, and Elm pollen so we are all itching, hacking and coughing, even a lot of people who have never had allergies before.

    Allergies make your brain swell a little and it basically resembles my chemo fog or chemo brain so I have to make a lot of lists in order to keep myself functioning . Then I lose the lists! Coupled with the overall fibro achiness, it is a double whammy!
    Springtime in Texas~
    I hope you continue writing, it helps a lot to know we are not alone. ♡

  3. yep the itching is not good – i tend to itch as my pain levels rise, even before i feel the pain. Take it easy.

    • Liselotte

      Hi Beverly
      You got me thinking there…
      I get itch periods to and you are right. When I’m done itching my toes to pieces my fm flares. Interesting.
      Have a nice day / Liselotte

Leave a Reply to Liselotte Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: