What do you get nervous about? Anything? I get nervous about nothing. Don’t misunderstand that to mean I don’t get nervous about anything; I mean I quite literally get nervous about nothing.
I feel a little bit sick and my mind start racing and I feel a bit dizzy, and then I start to feel waves of anxiety. I ask myself, “what are you worried about?” and more often than not the answer is, “nothing.” And then I go searching through my mind – and often my calendar – to try and work out what it is that is making me scared. You would think after all these years I would have realised that anxiety does not equal being anxious about something.
Regardless, I continue to search my mind. Today I think (although, I cannot be sure) I am probably a bit nervous about my weekend plans. For the first time in five years I am going to a festival. Not a city-based evening one like this one, but a full on all day all night festival with tents and wellies and thousands of people. I’m off to End of the Road!
The last time I went to a festival was Latitude 2010 and, having just been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, I was a bit high on a concoction of diazepam and red bull. I don’t remember a lot of the festival, but I do remember the boys taking it in turns to carry me because I couldn’t walk – or stand – any longer. Disaster.
This year should be easier. I know myself and my body far better, I know what I can tolerate and what I can’t, and more importantly my friends know and understand. End of the Road is a relatively small festival, and one of my friends said she took fold up seats last time she went (yes, we’re getting old and – in turn – I’m getting comfortable!) so out of all the UK summer festivals, this sounds like the one for me. Understandably though, I’m a little bit nervous about it and – inevitably – the more nervous I am about one thing, the more nervous I am about everything.
Wish me and my little anxiety monster lots of luck. I’ll be back on Monday with some joy and will share a write up with photos later in the week.
Enjoy your weekend!