I have never been scared of my pain before. Well, not since the early days when I didn’t know what was wrong with me so I just assumed I was dying. But since diagnosis, there hasn’t been much to be scared of.
Often my pain evokes frustration, annoyance and anger, but never fear. Today though, today I was scared. My pain was so sharp, so intense and so different to my ‘normal’ pain that I could only assume something very bad was happening.
I took all the tablets, I used all the gels and creams in my emergency relief stash, and I panicked. Yep, full on almost-in-tears panic. I was scared.
I think many people fear their pain and the impact it can have on daily life. And people fear their pain increasing and, in turn, their quality of life deteriorating. But I’m not sure how many of us fear the pain itself.
I sat at my desk and could only think about the pain as it traveled up my neck and into the back of my head. I’m pretty sure I’ve trapped a nerve, but f***ing fibromyalgia (sorry… I don’t swear often on this blog) makes me assume every ache and pain is just another symptom, and therefore I’m not really sure what to do about it.
I have a wedding on Saturday. My trapped nerve or Fibromyalgia or brain tumor or whatever it is needs to disappear immediately. In the mean time, I shall do my very best to confront it, rather than climb the walls and fear it.