My flare up started today. It came out of nowhere, hitting me like a ten tonne truck.
I woke up with incredible pains in my neck and shoulder, so bad that even lying in bed hurt. I got up, I went for brunch with friends and it was was wonderful but the pain started to travel down my back. I came home and sat in my comfy chair with a hot water bottle, my hands starting to tingle. My back got slowly worse and now it’s 9pm and I know what this is. This is a flare up.
Flare up pain is different to normal pain. I can’t describe it. I’m so sore I want to cry but I can’t find the tears. I don’t feel sad enough, I don’t feel anything. I am numb and sore, both at the same time. My body feels fragile and bruised all over, like I’ve been in a boxing match and when I fell to the floor, the crowd stormed the boxing ring and trampled on top of me. I lift up my top, expecting to see wounds and bruises but there is nothing to see. There never is.
I stretch in different directions trying to find a position that eases the pain. I can’t find one.
Why did it start? How long will it last? Did I do something to cause it? I think back over the last week or so, but nothing springs to mind. In fact, it’s been quite a good week. I rack my brains. I walked around a shopping centre for an hour or so, maybe that’s what did it.
I wonder if stress has caused it. I’m not stressed, but I know I’ve got a busy month ahead with two hen weekends and two weddings so maybe the panic of being ill has made me ill. The irony. If I don’t know what caused it, how can I fix it? And so I I will do the usual, follow my own tips and try to control it when really I know control is unlikely, my only hope is to cope.