Sick day

I think it’s really interesting to monitor your own behaviour and your reactions and responses to repetitive occurrences in your life. It’s not something I’ve done a lot of, but I’ve recently realised that my fibromyalgia flare-up reactions are incredibly repetitive. By now it’s a cycle I should be able to predict.  

First comes pain that it slightly more intense than usual. I continue with life, but I’m conscious that everything hurts even more than it normally does. Next comes bone pain on top of muscle pain, as opposed to one or the other. I up my meds and use various heat devices to ease the pain. Next comes exhaustion; continuing life at this pace whilst balancing this pain get’s too much. I start cancelling plans. I stop doing things outside of work, but I keep working. The pain increases and I start to feel nauseous, and I go home early from work. I start to feel sorry for myself; I start to feel sad. I go to the doctors, not sure what I’m seeking but knowing that I feel desperate for something. For help. The doctor sends me away, telling me I’m doing all I can do and I just need to rest. I cry. I take a sick day. I cry. I start to feel anxiety creeping in, my chest tightens and breathing becomes more difficult. 

And that brings us to today; my sick day. I’m trying to find a comfortable position to lie in. Turns out there isn’t one. Still, the cat is keeping me company. 

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I found these two e-cards which totally speak to me. I’m sick of side effects, and I hate it when you hug me and it hurts. 

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I can’t remember how long my last flare up lasted, I should have written it down. Foolishly I didn’t think to monitor this cycle, and now I’m afraid of how long it will go on for. Have I got another week of this? Another month? I thought I was so clever, blogging about strategies and coming up with ways to cope with the day-to-day pain, but when it comes to a flare up – I’ve got nothing. Nothing. 

How do I cope with a flare up? That is not a rhetorical question. Suggestions greatly appreciated. For now I’m going for: distraction, distraction, distraction. True to form I’m making lists and making plans. I’m reading magazines whilst listening to podcasts and browsing Pinterest – distraction for me is all about multitasking. I’ve also spent an excessive amount of time on Not on the High Street, in fact I’ve mentally spent about £1,700 on there this morning. Still, my mental house looks AMAZING.